3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
