STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
