Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
