Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
