no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
