I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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