we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
