If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
