How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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