I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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