sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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