he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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