There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
