Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
