Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
