would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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