there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
