she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
