took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
