i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
