If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
