Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
it glows. i had to have it.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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