just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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