Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
