Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
