Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
