You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
