Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
