you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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