I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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