I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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