Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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