We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You ruined the universe
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
