I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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