3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
