If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
