Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
