I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
