I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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