I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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