I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
