her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
