sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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