He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
