If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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