I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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