I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
