I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
