Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
