i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
