It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
