come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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