the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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