Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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