Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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