I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
