That's intense
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
