i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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