I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
