sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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